I can feel this. This change has been a long time coming. This change in blood, that change of heart. You know the 'ol black heart that pumped coal and blew soot that formed dark rings around sunken eyes. I could be wrong, but it feels like its working again. I felt that familiar awkward pump that shook my ribs causing them to resonate like church bells. With the feeling life in my veins, I slice my heart with a rusty razor blade with green-brown edges, and sure as shit there was red. I saw ruby river flow with each beat of that decrepit heart. Watching that beautiful crimson, I know as long as it keeps pumping out, like oil from a derrick, I will feel, and live and love again.
A broken soul can be fixed if you get the right parts. Finding that place is the journey. I don't know where that place is yet. Ain't like you can buy it, like a mechanic shop or where you can just walk into a dusty truckstop and ask for a soul. I think with each little bit you sell, each little bad compromise you make, you gotta work that much harder at getting it back...and Ive parted with most of it. I'm just satisfied to be looking. It's still pretty dark in that soul of mine, lots of lies, anger, and hate scattered around in the ramshackle void. It could be nice one day. I bet in heaven people wear their souls like military uniforms. All those good deeds stacked on the breast of their white robes like ribbons. I just might get a couple, could be a Sergeant one day. Shit I'd be lucky to get a brown robe with a stripe on it. Just as long as I'm there I guess.
I see light sometimes now. Little glimpses like someone swung a spotlight just out of my peripheral. If I'm quick enough I'll catch it. I head towards it and live where it is always light and people are happy. That's my manifesto for today.
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